


Shall I tell you, then, how it is?

by becauseitwasreal



Series: Game of Thrones oneshots [4]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Introspection, just hurt and no comfort basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 19:04:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18745207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becauseitwasreal/pseuds/becauseitwasreal
Summary: Jaime rides South and comes across someone he once thought to be a friend.[post-8x04 oneshot that basically deals with Whatever The Fuck Jaime Thinks He Is Doing]





	Shall I tell you, then, how it is?

**Author's Note:**

> This is nothing more than my attempt to make sense of the events of 8x04. I dislike what they are doing with Bronn this season, but I guess I'm rolling with it anyway. 
> 
> Title from "Shadows" by D.H. Lawrence. 
> 
> Shall I tell you, then, how it is?—  
> There came a cloven gleam  
> Like a tongue of darkened flame  
> To flicker in me.

            Even though he was already a good five miles away from Winterfell, he willed himself not to look back. If he looked back, he would be lost. The wind was desolate in the empty landscape, some of it marred by fire, some of it still marred by death. Jaime closed his eyes and let his horse lead him where he had to go.

            Since the second he had left, he had been wondering if he hadn’t made an enormous mistake. He could still see her face, crunched up is if her world was falling apart, knowing full well that he had been the cause of her tears. He gained her trust, and when she finally showed herself to him, all of her, he had betrayed her. It was inexcusable and the pit of guilt that had set itself firmly in his stomach over the last couple of years felt as if it could not bear this additional burden. He couldn’t even think back of her smiling face, of when she was knighted, of celebrating their survival. All memories were tinged with sadness of how he had been the one to make her smile, only to take it all away. He didn’t deserve happiness. He knew that, and he had long ago come to terms with it. But Brienne did. She did. Perhaps that meant she would be better off without him.

            His horse neighed. Jaime looked up, only to be met with lopsided smirk of Ser Bronn of the Blackwater.

            “What are you doing on the road, little shit? Thought I’d heard you’d firmly planted your ass on Northern soil with your lady knight.” 

            Jaime looked Bronn into the eye. By the gods, he had trusted this man with his life, even if he had known he was nothing more than a common murderer. He had thought they were _friends_. He scoffed. He always was the stupidest Lannister. “If I want to live, I have a war to win, don’t I?” 

            Bronn simply looked at him. “Funnily enough, I don’t believe you. I bet that bitch wasn’t good enough, was she? You’re off to your lovely sister to save her from Euron’s bed and hope she comes back to your arms.” The man paused.

            “Don’t speak of Brienne that lowly. She is indeed a lady _and_ a knight, so get it through that thick head of yours to show some respect.”

            Bronn raised his eyes and Jaime wished he could wipe the smile off his face. “It’s not as if your sister would take you back anyway. One hand, a betrayal to the crown…”

            “You forget the fact that she sent you to have me killed.”

            “Ah, yes,” Bronn said. “That too.” He paused for a moment, studying Jaime’s face.

            “Would you move out of the way? I have a long journey ahead of me.”

            “I can’t help but wondering, _Ser_ Jaime. If you’re not off to King’s Landing for your sister, then what the hell are you heading South for?  

            Jaime set his jaw and tried to school his expression into neutrality. “I never said I’m not going for my sister.”  

            “So she tried to kill you, and you still want to fuck her? I knew you were messed up, but this is a new low, even for a Lannister.”

            “Just get out of my way.” Even after everything that happened, he still couldn’t say the words. It was as if saying it would make it real. _I’m not going to King’s Landing to fuck my sister, but to kill her_. _I’m going to right her wrongs. My wrongs._ “You’ll get your castle. Tyrion promised, and a–”

            “A Lannister always pays his debts. So you’ve told me. Still have to see it come true, though.”

            “I’m joining the war against my sister, Bronn. I’m not joining _her_. I don’t care if you believe me.”

            “If you were going to King’s Landing to join the war, the Beauty would be with you.”

            “She swore a vow to Lady Stark. I couldn’t let her go with me.” _I couldn’t make her break her vows. I couldn’t lead her into a battle that will definitely see me killed. That would see her killed. I couldn’t let her stop me. I couldn’t allow myself to be happy with someone who deserves so much better than someone as hateful as me._

“I don’t trust you,” Bronn said, “but I trust your will to live. Go win that war than. It’s high time you pay up, or you’re a dead man, Jaime.”

            “I will pay up, one way or another,” Jaime said, and Bronn moved his horse out of the way.

            “I’ll see you after the war,” Bronn shouted as Jaime spurned his horse into a fast pace. He had to get out of the North, away from the smell of burned flesh, away from the memory of _her_ , and he rode on comforting himself with the fact that after he was gone, Tyrion would be the only one to mourn him.


End file.
